Breaking News in the Democratic Republic of Korea

Chuck Norris has been vanquished by our great leader Kim Jong-Il.

As he is supreme god, in this pamphlet we will outline his great accomplishments and see why he truly deserves to run this great nation.

Kim Jong Il CAN fight fire with fire.

Kim Jong Il dreamt up the Parthenon and built it the next day.

It is now ok, because of Kim Jong Il, to have sex with only your socks on.

Kim Jong Il's Banzai trees take care of themselves.

Kim Jong Il is his own Bobsled team

Fidel Castro is Kim Jong Il's poolboy.

Kim Jong Il is a master lyricist and can rhyme every word with his own name, including purple, orange and month.

Kim Jong Il can do the triple jump in one leap.

Kim Jong Il's heart's secondary purpose is a nuclear reactor more efficient than any machine.

Tigger once tried to pounce on Kim Jong Il..we all know what happened after that...

Kim Jong Il's lung capacity exceeds that of a whale.

Kim Jong Il is the Invisible Hand.

Kim Jong Il played Brazil in soccer and won single footedly.

Kim Jong Il sent Christopher Columbus to discover America.

The three ships were all named Kim Jong Il.

Kim Jong Il can reach and scratch any part of his back...with his foot.

Kim Jong Il has solved a Rubik's Cube by taking it out of the box. (be heartened, so can you!)

Kim Jong Il's nasal hair can sense fear.

In the beginning there was Kim Jong Il.

Kim Jong Il has never burned rice.

Kim Jong Il's natural scent can charm snakes...and the ladies.

Kim Jong Il looks good in any pair of sunglasses.

Kim Jong Il's sperm can survive in any temperature.

Kim Jong Il can wear gray 365 days a year and still be the most interesting man in the world.

Kim Jong Il's brainwaves can jump-start a car battery

-DeMi More


Denizens of this Democratic Republic: We are also proud to inform you that you will all be receiving your "How to Please Kim Jong Il" handouts in the mail, post-haste absolutely that pun was intended