The MoT Top 10: The Seventeenth

Top 10 Reasons to Vote for Scott Walker

10)  His dad was a preacher. We all know preacher's children turn out perfect.

9) He doesn't have a Bachelor's Degree. The guy is so smart he doesn't need one...

8) He was an Eagle Scout. If the dude can scout out and recruit eagles, he definitely can find solutions to the state's problems.

7) Scott Walker hates to admit this because he doesn't want to win the election for unfair reasons, but Scott Walker is half Black.

6) Scott Walker can remember Pi to 1000 numbers after the decimal, therefore he should win this recall election

5) He's one of us; he uses Wikipedia for all his statistics.

4) In the last year he has improved to a fifth grade reading level from all the hate mail.

3) He launders money. Getting money to smell good consistently is no easy task.

2) Lost in the wilderness with nothing but a pitchfork, Scott Walker stayed alive for three weeks by making deals with squirrels. "I won't cut down your tree if you hand over that acorn."

1) Scott Walker will create hundreds of new jobs by enlisting specialized teams of pre-schoolers to create new accounting methods so he can quite literally "fudge the numbers".

Go vote, Wisconsin.

-DeMi

Subpenises and Other Goods Inside

Jury duty blows. Hard. Yes, that is a sentence. The remaining elements of the English sentence structure are understood. De was recently summoned for jury duty and after an eternity and a fortnight, De was filtered out, thereby relieving him of his civil duty. To relieve yourself of your civil duty, DeMi commands you to obey the following:

Bring own gavel, you know what to do

Talk like batman, costume optional, don't wear hockey pants

Shout "GUILTY!" at your leisure.

Ask with quiet anticipation if you are early for the executions

Answer judge's question with "Judge not, that ye be not judged.

 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again"

I like this biblical trend. if the former words of wisdom don't get you declared "incompetent to serve" try the classic "The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much."

"Ey um judge, can I have yo numba? Can I have it?"

Finish the judge's sentences......this shouldn't be hard, the dudes clearly.. GUILTY! (see above).

Say you do not have a criminal record but that you absolutely should.

Tell them you have served as a volunteer judge on many occasion (state fair, science fair, wet t-shirt contests) and as a judge you know what it feels like to have people's emotions on the line.

When the appropriate time to speak is upon you, ask the court if there is anyone who has not accepted our Lord Jesus as their personal savior, and if permitted, attempt to lead the room in prayer.

Wear headgear.

Talk like the movie preview voice-over guy

You don't know who your father is and the accused fits the description.

Tell them there's a chance you're Canadian.

Complain about the incessant ringing noise in the background.
Wear a "God WestBoro Baptist Church" t-shirt.

Ask, "How would one perform a heinous crime?"

Flip through some hardcore porn whilst in the courtroom.

Inquire as to the Wi-Fi passcode for the building, and express the desire to tweet your courtroom experience.

Pronounce subpoenas, "subpenis" whenever possible.

Claim to be associated with the accused in ridiculous ways: :Your honor, my H&R Block rep has a son who went to the same school as Barbara Streisand's illegitimate son, whom I love dearly. Wait! I love Barbara Streisand. Just to be clear to the court, I do not love the little bastard, I love Barbara. Barbara Streisand.


You are welcome...........No no thank you.

-DeMi

Predestination

= some lazyass person making lazyass excuses for himself (and yes I believe in gender equality). So I propose, De, to let the womenfolk have it their way. When using singular pronouns as an example we will use the feminine pronoun. I get it, the girls want a go, they didn't even get their chance, we went from he to s/he. So on Musings on Tap the pronoun "she" is in.
Now for some trial sentences:
Predestination= some lazyass person making lazyass excuses for herself. <- again all the he's are in the background

All women are created equal.

hold up.

Women don't even have their own word, it's a union of men and wo[e?]. Sadness.

So,

"women" will be replaced with a new word...to be voted on!

But really, whatever the "word" turns out to be, it will always be up to Her...yes, you were predestined to read this. And this.

-Mi