Top 10 Things to Announce Over an Intercom
Alright, so we've all been in this situation: Unguarded intercom in a grocery store, hospital, DMV, what have you, and you are really tempted to use it. Well today we present to you a list to help you when you are presented with these rare situations.
10) At an Amusement Park::
ALL HANDS NEEDED FOR CLEAN UP UNDER THE SWASHBUCKLER, BIOHAZARD SUITS REQUIRED!
9) At the Fast Food Drive-Thru: (Requires commandeering one of the head sets)
Don't worry, just because I'm in the bathroom doesn't mean your order won't be made on time.
8) At the Supermarket:
ATTENTION CUSTOMERS: THE DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY WOULD LIKE TO REMIND YOU THAT OUR COUNTRY IS AT SECURITY LEVEL ORANGE. PLEASE DO NOT LEAVE YOUR ORANGES UNATTENDED! IF YOU SEE ANY SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY REGARDING YOUR ORANGE OR OTHERS' ORANGES PLEASE REPORT IT IMMEDIATELY!
7) At an Army Base:
WELCOME TO BOOT CAMP! IN THE NEXT 8 WEEKS WE WILL BE MAKING BOOTS OF ALL SORTS, DO YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS?
6) At the Ballpark:
WHO"S ON SECOND? NO REALLY GUYS! WHO THE HELL IS COVERING SECOND, THESE GUYS'S HAVE BEEN STEALING ALL DAY!
5) At School:
WILL THE INSPIRED INDIVIDUAL WHO TEEPEED MRS. EMERSON'S ROOM ALONG WITH A GENEROUS SIDE OF EGGING PLEASE REPORT TO THE PARKING LOT AFTER SCHOOL TO RECEIVE YOUR AWARD!
4) At the Airport:
We will now be detaining all the white people. Y'all look extra pale today.
3) At the Museum:
There is no need for alarm, Ben Stiller was never here.
2) At the Club:
Will the real SLIM SHADY PLEASE STAND UP.
(Show yourself out the door on this one)
1) At the DMV:
We are now towing cars 292-300. Have a nice day!
Sorry for the clusterfuck (thank you and you're welcome, Nick) of CAPS. Things are funnier when you yell them. Try it sometime.
-DeMi
