The MoT Top 10: The Fourteenth

Top 10 Ways to Put on Pants

I know what you're thinking, no way are there ten ways to put on pants. We used to be as naive. Also, don't be misled. It's absolutely acceptable to not wear pants at all times. No one ever said no pants, no shirt, no service.

10) Paint them on

9) Go to the store without pants and find a suitable pair there. Maybe even a pant suit if it fancies you to be fancy

8) Head first

7) Two legs at a time

6) With the help of someone attractive

5) As part of your Irish jig dance routine

4) Like everyone else does, one leg at a time while listening to "Sexy and I Know It"

3) Ironically, while listening to Take Off Your Pants and Jacket

2) Slowly, after the store clerk tells you that only wearing shoes and and a shirt does not warrant you any service

1) Slowly and with pride, after sex

The MoT Top 10: The Thirteenth

Top 10 Nicknames for Your Privates

10) Han's Chinese brother often uses this one:
Hung Solo

9) Geography Themed?
The Dead Sea or Mariana Trench.

8) Whispering Eye
(that means vagina)

7) White, nerdy, and pervy?
Space Invader or Pac-Man

6) For all you gypsy women out there:
Snake Charmer (Verrrry niiicce, how much?)

5) MC "Jack" Hammer
It's Hammer Time!

4) Hot Pocket

3) Junkle Berries
Or really any type of berries, real or imaginary. Honeysuckle, Cow, Ollalie, Avocado, Choke, or Privet Berry. (These are actually all real)

Here we see the Privet Berry in its full form.

2) For the way overly obese man or woman:
The Final Frontier

And now, ladies and gentleman alike, prepare to have your favorite childhood snacks ruined:

1) Gusher(s) / Fruit by the Foot


-DeMi

The MoT Top 10: The Twelfth

Top 10 Things to Announce Over an Intercom

Alright, so we've all been in this situation: Unguarded intercom in a grocery store, hospital, DMV, what have you, and you are really tempted to use it. Well today we present to you a list to help you when you are presented with these rare situations. 

10) At an Amusement Park:: 

ALL HANDS NEEDED FOR CLEAN UP UNDER THE SWASHBUCKLER, BIOHAZARD SUITS REQUIRED!

9) At the Fast Food Drive-Thru: (Requires commandeering one of the head sets)

Don't worry, just because I'm in the bathroom doesn't mean your order won't be made on time.

8) At the Supermarket: 

ATTENTION CUSTOMERS: THE DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY WOULD LIKE TO REMIND YOU THAT OUR COUNTRY IS AT SECURITY LEVEL ORANGE. PLEASE DO NOT LEAVE YOUR ORANGES UNATTENDED! IF YOU SEE ANY SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY REGARDING YOUR ORANGE OR OTHERS' ORANGES PLEASE REPORT IT IMMEDIATELY!

7) At an Army Base: 

WELCOME TO BOOT CAMP! IN THE NEXT 8 WEEKS WE WILL BE MAKING BOOTS OF ALL SORTS, DO YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS?

6) At the Ballpark:

WHO"S ON SECOND? NO REALLY GUYS! WHO THE HELL IS COVERING SECOND, THESE GUYS'S HAVE BEEN STEALING ALL DAY!

5) At School:

WILL THE INSPIRED INDIVIDUAL WHO TEEPEED MRS. EMERSON'S ROOM ALONG WITH A GENEROUS SIDE OF EGGING PLEASE REPORT TO THE PARKING LOT AFTER SCHOOL TO RECEIVE YOUR AWARD!

4) At the Airport: 

We will now be detaining all the white people. Y'all look extra pale today.

3) At the Museum:

There is no need for alarm, Ben Stiller was never here.

2) At the Club:

Will the real SLIM SHADY PLEASE STAND UP.

(Show yourself out the door on this one)

1) At the DMV:

We are now towing cars 292-300. Have a nice day!

Sorry for the clusterfuck (thank you and you're welcome, Nick) of CAPS. Things are funnier when you yell them. Try it sometime.

-DeMi

Under Cover Waitress: "Out of Context"

Today, we are pleased to feature a special guest, Under Cover Waitress. Please go and check out her blog to read all about the juicy, secret, and under cover life of a waitress. Do they really spit in your food? Are they real human beings? How can they carry so many plates at one time?
But seriously we are glad to have her!
-DeMi

Out of Context

Picture this:

You call a week ahead of time and make a dentist appointment for 4:15. On the appointed day, you arrive at about 4:00 just a wee bit early. You walk up to the front desk and announce your name and that you are there for your 4:15 appointment.

The receptionist smiles politely and says to make yourself comfortable. So far so good.

A moment later, she approaches and lets you know that the dentist is running about 20 minutes late. He will be able to see you at close to 4:35 instead of 4:15. However, you are welcome to continue to make yourself comfortable in the waiting room, and can she bring you some water or coffee?

You throw down the magazine you've been looking at and start pacing. You yell at the receptionist "I have a 4:15 appointment! I called ahead! I'm here on time, what is wrong with you?"

"I'm sorry, but the dentist is running a little late, and will see you as soon as he can."

Your response: "I am never making an appointment here again! I can't believe how unprofessional you people are! You will never make it in the dentist industry!"

Embarrassed by this customer's behavior? Me, too. And the receptionist is probably thinking about calling security at this point. Nobody wants this uncivilized ingrate's business, anyway.

Unless, of course, this isn't a dentist's office and instead is a restaurant. Instead of calling security and getting a restraining order, the hostess is placating the fool by offering him free food and drink to make up for the egregious error on the restaurant's part.

Be real, people. Something is terribly wrong with a society that thinks behaving like a spoiled two year old is worth a free dessert.

Nonplussed

Just a quick blurb on this interesting word.

This word has two definitions, one formal, one otherwise.

The formal definition of nonplussed is confused or surprised.

But as time progressed Americans got a little crazy. I think the logic went like this:

If something is in the state of being "nonplussed" then it can also be "plussed".

And since nonplussed was the original, and since plussed doesn't even exist then nonplussed must clearly be better.

Naturally.

So now nonplussed has flipped like an electron and can also mean unperturbed. However, it may not be accepted.... yet.

So for the sake of patriotism I propose that we make "plussed" a real word and make it mean confused. We then slowly do this with all words in the English and make the future generations really confused when reading "classic" literature.

I am gruntled, but not plussed.

-Mi

The MoT Top 10: The Eleventh

Top 10 Things Jesus Wouldn't Do

From MoT Nation, we present, with pleasure, the Aaron that is all Mann:

10) Impressions

9) See a doctor

8) Drink cheap wine

7) Go fishing and only catch one fish

6) Wear pants

5) Simon Says

4) Beget

3) Read this blog

2) Swim

1) Mary Magdalene


Thanks Aaron, you're the best!

-DeMi

The Hunger Games: A Casual Review

 

Finally got around to watching the movie yesterday, man matinee prices aren't what they used to be. Anyways, I thought I would write a review on my thoughts of the wildly popular movie adaptation of the book by Suzanne Collins. 

Having read the book beforehand, I delusionally come into these types of movies with high expectations. I am pretty good at picking out specific details in the book that are left out in movies which is more of a curse than anything, because truthfully I just want to enjoy the movie. I will say, however, that The Hunger Games remained reasonably faithful to the book, and of course I say reasonably.

I will start off with the cinematography and unwittingly pretend that I am a real movie critic. The camera work was sub-par. There were many scenes where I just wondered why they didn't use a stationary camera. It got really annoying when they would pan over the crowd and the camera would slightly bob up and down. #isthatreallynecessary? In addition, some of the editing was pretty choppy, but not too bad. I realize that was more to keep the movie rated PG-13 because of violence and increase revenue.

The set design/ location was great. As many of you might know much of the movie was shot in North Carolina, outside of Asheville. District 12 was spot on, and really was quite how I imagined it, with dilapidated houses, rampant poverty, and general signs of neglect. They did a very good job with the arena, the capitol, the little we see of district 11, and various other places. They also show some locations (President Snow's rose garden) that aren't seen until the 3rd book.

The acting? Jennifer Lawrence as Katniss Everdeen quite frankly kicked ass. She played the role of care-taker turned murderous teen very well. Liam Hemsworth did a good job of playing Gale, though he wasn't in much of the movie. And Woody Harrelson as Haymitch was solid, yet at the same time he under-delivered. As a more established actor I expected him to provide a little more comedic relief than he actually did. Now for my least favorite actor: Josh Hutcherson as Peeta Mallark. He was quite uninspiring to me. He was too small, even smaller than Katniss! He was supposed to be muscular, as he is described to be able to throw 100lb flour sacks with ease, but alas, this guys frame was pathetic. Beyond that, he didn't have the charisma that the Peeta in the book had. He made it hard to believe that Katniss and him had anything going on, when it's supposed to be the other way around.

And finally, film adaptation of novel. I really liked that only a few minor details were changed. For example in the book Katniss gets the Mockingjay pin from her friend, the mayor's daughter. Also, it wasn't Peeta's idea to hold hands mid-chariot ride, it was Cinna's to hold hand from the beginning. Beyond that, it told the story well. The violence was done very well. It was believable, yet not over-played. I specifically liked the scenes with the wall of fire, and the one with the trackerjackers. And I guess the suspense was well done too? I guess that's hard to tell because I knew exactly what was going to happen next. 

Overall, I give The Hunger Games a 7/10. Worth watching it once, but I wasn't impressed. However, I will watch the sequels, and it's most definitely better than Twilight.

-Mi

The One Where Mi Interviews De

Hey everyone, De here. Awhile ago, Mi was kind enough to submit himself to my interview questions and did so with grace and candidness. So if you've ever asked yourself, "What is a De?", this is your answer.




1) Where are you from? How does this shape who you are?


I lived in Kenosha as an infant, but I was born in Rockford, because of a car accident. I don't believe where I was born or raised has been especially significant in shaping the person I've become, but I think the car accident has. The day I was born, my father and my pregnant mother were in a car accident and as one might expect, there was immediate concern after the accident for my mother and myself. After the doctor's examined my mother, they discovered I was in distress since before the accident and needed to be delivered promptly via C-section. The doctor's told my mother after my birth, had it not been for the accident, my distress could have gone undiscovered and resulted in my death.

I don't remember if I experienced some sort of instant revelation after hearing this story for the first time. Honestly, I doubt it, but I've thought about it repeatedly. I have really big dreams for myself, dreams I don't think I'll ever give up on and this story of my birth has incited a tendency I have to look for the big picture in the details. While this may give me a good deal of perspective, I sometimes miss what's right in front of me.

2) Earning a bachelor's degree at Carthage is comparable to what?

It's comparable to doing what's expected of me. I really hope my degree benefits me at some point, but after a great deal of retrospection, I wish I had realized I wanted to produce, sing and write music before I invested thousands upon thousands on a private school. I sense a follow-up question.


3) What is your major and what do you plan on using it for?

I chose Business Management as my focus, with a minor in music, because many music majors and friends of music majors warned me of the lack of opportunity with a music degree. I hope to use what I've learned to make this website a successful business, where the ideas are free and the merch is good enough to be paid for.

4) What's the most fun you've had singing a song?


The best I can do is tell you the most fun I've had singing lately. I got this instrumental from a YouTube user for the Blink-182 song "Feeling This". I challenge anyone to not get pumped while listening to that song. So my original plan was to do a straight cover for this song, but then I thought, "Why not see if one of the rappers I work with is "Feeling This"?" You see what I did there. It makes sense, since Blink-182 is famous for their combination of pop-punk riffs and Travis Barker's hip-hop beats. So I asked the one and Young Beezy to give it a listen. And he, like so many before him, got hooked on this song. So I started recording the chorus and bridge the other day and Beezy is currently writing some killer rhymes. Next question.

5) Butter side up or butter side down? Would you consider yourself to be an optimist or pessimist?


It's the whole toe-may-toe/toe-mah-toe disaster all over again. No one says toe-mah-toe and I don't believe anyone spreads butter on the bottom of a piece of toast. It's unnatural, and like with Conan O'Brien's hairstyle, it must reject gravity and you look like an asshole. Anyway, getting back to where the analogy was going, I am a pessimist for the present and an optimist for the future.

6) What do you look for in a girl?

When it comes to her personality and other such attributes, I'm really choosy, as I think everyone should be.  I like smart girls who don't completely know how smart they are. I also appreciate a girl who balances an open mind with a willingness to stand up for her beliefs. As far as appearance, I'm not really a dimensions kind of guy, although I'll size it up if it's there ;). But seriously, a pretty face is what gets me.

7) What's the one thing in this world that just blows your mind?

So many things blow my mind, which is not to say I'm easily impressed. But since the cruelty of this interview forces me to choose only one; I'm blown away by lyrics that describe or even elucidate your feelings about something at a certain time, almost as if the words are your own. It doesn't need to be an ornamental arrangement of words, just honesty to the core. Alright, short story time. Gather 'round. One afternoon, I was taking a break during an entire afternoon of choir practice. Carthage students know how killer these can be. I remember listening to Blink-182's "Asthenia" and Tom sang the lines: "This place is bored of rehearsal and sick of the boundaries. I miss you so much." I couldn't wait to get out of rehearsal that day and this song made me realize what was bothering me so much. I have this friend, one of my best at the time, and she hadn't been around in awhile. What I've gathered to be the original meaning of the song is actually not worlds apart from my personal application of the words. "Asthenia" was one of the last songs written by Blink for their self-titled record. This verse in particular was written to describe how much Tom and the rest of the band wanted to finish recording and see their families.

8) Would you rather have a vacation igloo, tiki hut, or (pest-free) jungle tree house?


I can't consider anything to do with an igloo a vacation. With the tiki hut and jungle tree house remaining (neither which is ideal, due to their level of flammability), I will choose the jungle tree house, as it is the only option guaranteed to be pest-free.

9) Are you more introverted or extroverted?


Introverted. No, extroverted. Indecisive.......final answer. I suppose I can't say extroverted, being it would be a complete misjudgment of my behavior. I'm not sure I can say introverted either. I've heard introverts find social situations mentally and emotionally draining while extroverts are energized by such situations. I definitely lean toward the latter, so I'm going to say "undercover extrovert".

10) Sell yourself in 10 words or less. Be arrogant. I'll allow it.

Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, right on

-DeMi

On π and Irrationality

This now begins my formal proof on why Pi is an irrational number...hah

But really, here's something I was musing on while in my Econ lecture today:

Make an irrational payment, and you'll be tied down for life. Let's look at an example.

"I'll give you $π for that blueberry pie"

...

"Sure, I don't even like blueberries."

...

"Hold on, do you want $3.14 or $3.15?"

...

"Does it even matter?"

              ...

"...Damn right it does."

Alright, so I'm not going to win any awards in script writing any time soon, but the point is the internal OCD accountant of the first person will be forever on edge that the debt can never be re-payed.

Scenario Uno: You pay $3.15. You over-payed. Shit, that's ~ 84.1% of a hard earned penny you just forked over to this other person. Plus, the blueberry pie wasn't even that good, just some store-made run of the mill pie. You berate yourself for over-calculating the worth of it, and most likely fall into a cyclical depression.

Scenario Deux: You pay $3.14. You under-payed. Shit, besides feeling like a huge jerk you are now indebted by ~15.9% of penny to some person who doesn't even know how to pick out a proper blueberry pie, or even freaking decide what they like. 

But you're an ingenious and resourceful individual. So, in Scenario Deux (see above) what you do is offer the person 3 coupons, specifically highlighting the fact that they are worth 1/20 of a cent.

But...that's exactly where your ingenuity ends and your years of self-loathing begin. One does not simply square a debt of irrationality.

What if you're the person in Scenario Uno (see above)? After breaking out of your depression, you rise up. You become the leader of your country. You force your people into a totalitarian state. Have your hired goons find and kill him. What's a fraction of a penny to a dead person anyways, am I right?

What are you musingon?

-Mi

the worst article in the world

Just a little rant on this terrible article...

Source: http://www.myfoxhouston.com/dpps/news/scientist-black-holes-grow-big-by-eating-stars-dpgoha-20120403-fc_18991303 (Don't click on this and give this terrible article more page views than it deserves)

First off that title. My god. It's like saying "Doctor: Smoking Can Lead to Lung Complications"

Second, there's a grammar mistake in the second paragraph of the freaking article. I do that, but I also don't have  a paid editor, or get paid at all, shit.

Also, this person's writing style is simply horrendous. For example:

"Apparently, black holes increase in mass and diameter by on a [sic] hefty intake of stars. Research suggests that 'black holes grow enormously as a result of sucking in captured binary star partners,' according to Utah's Prof. Ben Bromley, who authored the study."

An 80 year old man has better flow than this person...c'mon. What the hell is a hefty intake of stars, anyways? Is that just a couple billion more pounds of stellar mass than usual? OM NOM NOM NOM

Does not belong to Musingsontap. Luckily you can find anything on the internets.

Lastly, this is nowhere near new news (quadliteration?!) NASA had a video of black holes eating stars a while back, and I'm pretty sure my Astronomy textbook (published in '07), had a section on this.

Charles Barkley says "this article is turrible"

You could point out this is Fox News, whatever, but if this person gets PAID to write shit like this, sign me up.

/rant

-Mi

The MoT 10: The Tenth

Top 10 Things to Do on April Fool's Day

10) Yell at your boss. Let him or her know what a shitty job they are doing as a supervisor and a person. Be as specific as possible. Then quit. Bookend it, of course, with an "April Fool's"

9) In church, stand up, and proclaim "YOU ARE ALL FOOL'S, APRIL FOOL'S, HAR HAR HAR HAR", leave.

8) Masturbate in the bathroom, come outside, and tell onlookers "April Fool's".

7) Sit down with your parents. Gently break the news to them that you are dying. Then say "Just kidding, I thought that would make it easier to tell you..... I'm gay". And before they break out into tears, relieve them with an "April Fool's".

6) Smash an egg on someone's head. When they get mad ask them why they're not in the spirit.

5) Pull the ol' door wedge in revolving door trick.

4) When walking in a large group of people, wait until somebody passes your group and then point and look at the sky in unison. Try to see how long you can confuse the person. Similarly, when walking along, avoid arbitrary points on the ground with gasps and obviously overt, outward (redundancy is forgiven with alliteration) fear in hopes the person behind you blindly follows suit.

3) Carry a baggy with a non-descript white powder in it, scratch your nose often.

2)Introduce yourself as the esteemed so and so.

"I am the esteemed Dauphin of Thailand"

"I am the esteemed Head of Broccoli"

"I am the esteemed Duchess of Holland"

"I am the esteemed feelings of Jack"

1) Tell your good friend that they still haven't figured out your joke from last year, and that it's both pathetic and hilarious. The more people in on this the better.

"So Mom...do you know about this prank of Mi's?"

*hysterical laughter* *shifty eyes*

"Nooo Mom, not you too!"


-DeMi


P.S We have postponed April Fool's day until Further Notice.





P.P.S Further Notice Fool's!