The MoT Top 10: The Twentieth

Top 10 Ways to Look Like an Idiot

10)  Walk in to Subway, ask for Jared. Next, after walking past all the obvious signs, ask them if they have any $5 footlongs. Finally, with an incredulous look, ask how much they actually cost.

9) Drive away from the gas station with the nozzle still in your gas tank.

8) Go to the grocery store and ask them to explain to you the concept of buy one get one free. After you wasted a sufficient amount of their time do not be afraid to go above and beyond! Inquire with intrigue if the children's buggies are car wash "safe"...

7) This guy:

6) Plead guilty after being sentenced "not guilty". Actually due to the economic downturn, this is solid advice. the 8th amendment guarantees you the right to dental care. Yeah, dental care.

5) Secure you flash mob location. For these purposes we will use an airport. But I am sure, most any location will suit your idiotic needs.

Go to Airport.
Point at the nearest security officer.
Say "THIS IS A SOLO FLASH MOB, GIVE ME ALL YOUR ATTENTION!"
Get tasered hard.

4) Do the Numa Numa dance in a glass elevator. Don't stop for anything.

3) Go to the park and boomerang with your Frisbee

2) Attempt to bargain for merchandise at any and all stores. For example, but not limited to:

"I'll give you this picture of my dog if you knock down the price of this lamp shade"


1) Go to any office building and ask the receptionist at the front desk:

"I was told the microsoft office was located in this building, could you tell me what floor it's on?"

-DeMi

The MoT Top 10: The Twelfth

Top 10 Things to Announce Over an Intercom

Alright, so we've all been in this situation: Unguarded intercom in a grocery store, hospital, DMV, what have you, and you are really tempted to use it. Well today we present to you a list to help you when you are presented with these rare situations. 

10) At an Amusement Park:: 

ALL HANDS NEEDED FOR CLEAN UP UNDER THE SWASHBUCKLER, BIOHAZARD SUITS REQUIRED!

9) At the Fast Food Drive-Thru: (Requires commandeering one of the head sets)

Don't worry, just because I'm in the bathroom doesn't mean your order won't be made on time.

8) At the Supermarket: 

ATTENTION CUSTOMERS: THE DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY WOULD LIKE TO REMIND YOU THAT OUR COUNTRY IS AT SECURITY LEVEL ORANGE. PLEASE DO NOT LEAVE YOUR ORANGES UNATTENDED! IF YOU SEE ANY SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY REGARDING YOUR ORANGE OR OTHERS' ORANGES PLEASE REPORT IT IMMEDIATELY!

7) At an Army Base: 

WELCOME TO BOOT CAMP! IN THE NEXT 8 WEEKS WE WILL BE MAKING BOOTS OF ALL SORTS, DO YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS?

6) At the Ballpark:

WHO"S ON SECOND? NO REALLY GUYS! WHO THE HELL IS COVERING SECOND, THESE GUYS'S HAVE BEEN STEALING ALL DAY!

5) At School:

WILL THE INSPIRED INDIVIDUAL WHO TEEPEED MRS. EMERSON'S ROOM ALONG WITH A GENEROUS SIDE OF EGGING PLEASE REPORT TO THE PARKING LOT AFTER SCHOOL TO RECEIVE YOUR AWARD!

4) At the Airport: 

We will now be detaining all the white people. Y'all look extra pale today.

3) At the Museum:

There is no need for alarm, Ben Stiller was never here.

2) At the Club:

Will the real SLIM SHADY PLEASE STAND UP.

(Show yourself out the door on this one)

1) At the DMV:

We are now towing cars 292-300. Have a nice day!

Sorry for the clusterfuck (thank you and you're welcome, Nick) of CAPS. Things are funnier when you yell them. Try it sometime.

-DeMi