The MoT Top 10: The Fifth

Top 10 Ways to Procrastinate

First, we'd like to give a shout out to El, for giving us the idea for this week's list! So with out much further adon'ts, here we go...

10) Pick up chicks at the grocery store  at 2am.

9) Procrastibate, thanks Nic!

8) Clip and hoard coupons for all the possible things you'll never need.

7) Watch all the episodes.

6) Troll Wikipedia and change the entries, specifically ones that don't concern your scholarly work.

5)  Create dumb games. For examples:

Go through the phone book and count how many people have the same first name as you.

Take an egg, drop it from the roof. Person on ground has to pick it up before the 5 second rule then cook it.

Google yourself and see how many results come up, compare with your friends, compare with DeMi.

4) Get really good at one of those stupid iPhone games that has no significance in the real world. For example, Words with Friends, Temple Run, Angry Birds etc.

3) Think about being productive and how that would feel.

2) Write jokes that aren't funny and then put them on the internet.

1) Tweet inappropriate things at people.

Dishonorable Mention:

Make woolly socks with intricate cross-woven designs. 

May we be there for all your procrastination needs!

Follow us on the twitter! https://twitter.com/#!/Musingsontap

-DeMi

The MoT Top 10: The Fourth

Top 10 Ways to Annoy

10) When someone holds a door open for you, establish eye contact, smile, then wait until the last second and go through another door.

9) At a dorm/apartment/laundromat use as many washers/dryers as possible. If confronted tell them your outfits like to ride in roomy luxury.

8) Set up detour signs and don't follow up, or lead them on a not-so-fun-sized adventure.

7) Pretend to be a cologne vendor at a mall and spray cologne on unwilling passersby.

6)

Step 1. Go to Toys R' Us and buy a fake baby, one with a crying function.

Step 2. Apologize to everyone in the store for the constant crying of the baby.

Step 3. Go to Sears and ask an associate if your baby can give one of their dryers a go, because the warmth is soothing and puts the baby to sleep.

Step 4. Ask said Sears associate for an application.

5) Speak in Ebonics errtime you around black folk.

4) Use the word "penetrate" as often as you can:

You've "penetrated" me with your idea.

This food has yet to penetrate my stomach.

Has my message penetrated your phone?

I'm about to penetrate the world wide web.

3) Laugh louder and longer than everyone else at the end of a joke. Be sure to sustain laughter for a good 10 seconds beyond the last laugh for maximum ridiculi. Who's laughing now?........just you.

2) Bid on eBay auctions to inflate the prices on items you don't intend on purchasing.

1) Wield the power of the traffic light!

Honorable Mentions:

Sing everything instead of speaking.

Cover your mouth whenever you say something, either in secrecy or to create suspense.

Have an obviously skinny person go to a Weight Watchers meeting and complain to everyone that they "just can't seem to lose those couple of pounds".

Say "Illi-Noise" or "Rexplex"

Sporadically ask people if they're okay. Initially, this only creates confusion. With some persistence; however, this is obnoxious.

Kickin' it Old School

So it's Friday night here in Chapel Hill, North Carolina. Ain't got shit to do. De's not answering his phone. So it's another one of those installments of "Late Night Musings with Mi". Now I know that's not a thing, but it would be cool if it was. So, because I know you guys attention spans are not quite cut out to read a bunch of shit I write (really I understand), this blog will now be multimediamensional. Word.



Bare with me...

Now tell me that's not cute. I guess you could contend that this poor guy is not in his natural habitat, and therefore actually is making the "I'm really depressed, get me the hell outta here" face. But here at Musingsontap we don't quite have the budget (or a budget at all) to lobby animal rights/ we're not freeing any animals from any zoos anytime soon/ this little guy looks a little undersized to be roaming the Great White Beyond, whatever that is...so s/he's staying.

And because, I legitimately like to take you (my sole reader) into virtual dead ends I will not have a theme for this blog. And that Nation, explains the title. I've never seen the fucking movie. I'm simply referring to the past Mi's habits of babbling on about the derivatives of tangents. Which the nerd in you promptly thought "Sec^2(x)", fuck yeah. And the Mathphobic out there are like "cool bro, if that's how you get off".



Alright alright for our next piece...

No, I'm not gonna beat the proverbial dead horse and plea that you listen to it. But I feel as if I never got to explain the reason I chose to rewrite the lyrics to this song. First, the guitar at the beginning of this song is pretty legitimate. I mean that's "REAL GUITAR". Hah when people say legit, me included, it cracks me up. Anyways...Tom's lyrics weren't quite doing it for me, sometimes I don't know what the fuck he means, and sometimes he's spot on. So yeah I called De up and he agreed to sing the lyrics I wrote. So it took me about 3 weeks, lots of class time and rehashing of words, but I finally wrote my first song lyrics. And I'm pretty damn proud. However there is one gripe I have, and that's that De changed the lyrics to the lines..

"Fire the ice that freezes in your time
Hire the spirit that branches to your vine"

Or rather he added lyrics, but it's whatever now, I like how it turned out. 

And I would like to welcome to the blog...our very first STREAKER!!!!

First off, I'd like to apologize for the terrible video quality. Also I know this video has been circulating around the internet for awhile now, but come on, a female streaker scores a goal. If this 23 seconds of video isn't one of the coolest things you've seen then you're probably Jason Bourne, or some shit like that. Whatever, watch the clip, replay. Do notice the pissed off goalie, and that nice ass assist. Oh and the shot, shit that was a good shot.

And the barrage of randomness has stopped. I'm sorry. I'm probably gonna go play some PS3, do something productive ya know?

Good Night Nation,

-Mi

The MoT Top 10: The Third

Top 10 Non-Sexual Ways to Please Yo Guurl This Valentine's Day

10) Have non-sex. Cuddle. Then cuddle some more.

9) Take a grenade for her...

8) Role play with her, but with the sole intent of being charades champs at the next couples' night.

7) Write her a poem; take any of these as a template! Love Poems!

6) Save flowers,. plant (her) a rosebush.

5) Compliment her, wear some earrings that match her dress.

4) Buy a chocolate factory and give her a golden ticket.

3) Get her oven warmed up, turn on her stove, butter her muffin...and make her dinner.

2) Go out dancing, leave room for Jesus, Buddha, Confucius, Mohammed, Ganesha, and well just dance.

1) Serenade her, but DO NOT marinade her.




Or perhaps you can think of other non-sexual, yet titillating, things yo gurl would enjoy.

And MoT Nation, here is a bonus list! Consider it our Valentine's Day gift to you! Cause well,

"You're Awesome"

Top 10 Ways to Not Have Sex on Valentine's Day

10) Turn on as many lights as possible.

9) Keep talking about how bloated you are.

8) Be yourself.

7) Get yourself fitted for a chastity belt.

6) Go to jail...wait nevermind.

6) Witness to her/him, make sure to include literature.

5) End every story with "and that's the way the cookie crumbles".

4) Eunuchize!

3) Constantly assure him/her you don't have an STD.

2) Take your toupee/wig off and comb it. Like so.

1) Wear suspenders, Urkelize!

-DeMi

The MoT Top 10: The Second

Top 10 Most Embarrassing Reasons to Call In to Work

10) Your car got hijacked by the local elementary school kids.

9) Your DVR broke and you need to catch the season finale of your favourite soap.

8) Because you're playing catch with your kidney stones.

7) Your ex-girlfriend chained you to a bed during make up sex.

6)You have an interview for another job.

5) Because God said "Nay".

4) Because you don't work there.

3) Your herpes is showing.

2) Because your girl landed the wrong way.

1) An erection lasting longer than 4 hours.




















-DeMi