April Fool's Day

Jessica.

It's a real damn shame you don't read our blog...you know why?

Because tomorrow is April Fool's Day.

So I will outline my Plan of revenge  in this blogpost thang, and you won't have a clue. 

Ok, so remember last April Fool's Day when you unceremoniously smeared that carrot cupcake in my face and jubilantly yelled "April fool's" like you just pulled of the granddaddy of pranks? Yeah

Well tomorrow, Im gonna have an army of carrot cupcakes on a platter. Bug's Bunny prolly thought that revenge was best served with carrots, and more of 'em. 

Tothe face.

Ze Army

My revenge? Simple. I will assuage you with carrot cupcakes. You won't stand a chance.

My sympathy. Non-existent.

-Don't mess with Mi

Post the 54th

What does that mean?

Jack shit.

If we insert the two harmless words "had a" we have: Jack had a good shit.

And what does Jack have to do when he lays some cable in the wilderness? That's right. Jack Squat.

very interesting. interesting indeed. this will be an eclectic blog. I think so. Yes.

I would like to congratulate the better-than-false-Value chain  for two things. (not more)

1) For having such obviously perverted items for sale in their store.

2) For leaving up (not that they can take it down) my review of my lovely experience there. Shirley you'll know which reviews mine


(I'll call you whatever the hell I want) and if you don't understand that go watch Airplane!

Now it is the time. The time to think of a word on the spot: ok.. "rigid" and grab the 6th google searched image with ss off of course.
This is what I got,
Now I know what you're thinking...with the fascist picture blocking regime disabled we should have gotten something a little more, how you say, rambunctious.
This clearly is a closeup of a fine, square-footed, Texan man enjoying a nice umbrella'd Pina Colada while sitting on his motorcycle backwards resting his nice crocodile lookin' shoe up on the tire. This guy is not wearing nice pants. And is a letdown for all the rigid image seekers.

Rigid...were you thinking something else? Post it anonymously or prononymously in the comments!

And finally the part I've been waiting for....the poem.

Damn Thirsty

First

The fish needs to say,

"Something ain't right about this

Camel ride -

And I'm

Feeling so damn

Thirsty.

--Hafiz c. 1320-1389

First off I would like to say wow. Inspiring. Next I would like to point out that this Persian poet lived 69 years. For once not a sexual joke. Seriously, during the 14 century to live 60+ plus years? That's pretty damn good.

I would like to interpret this poem, as it has been the only poem that's really caught my attention in recent memory. Besides being comical, I think this poem serves as a reminder to do some introspection. Are we living life sitting on a camel with no damn clue how we got there? And when we finally realized that we were on this hump-ed creature did we decide just how wrong it was?

Too easy...let's delve further.

Assuming a rational fish. She clearly has two choices: to ride a camel, or swim. Let's say the she chose the camel ride! Ok! This is the part where it gets intense. Assuming she is a minnow and booked early, she was able to gain passage inside the camel, in the place where they store all the water (not the humps). She's merely complaining at the subpar service she is getting, the worst part is..damn camel has no water left.

The after thought: Eclectic. Like your underwear drawer. I went there. Nothing to hide.

-Mi

For immature audiences only

So I work at a hardware store, and I'm sure that as a result of chronic boredom, I have discovered that the hardware business doubles as an underground sex toy supplier:

 Don't ask me if these come in men's sizes.

Ahhh, ballcock accessories.....

The subtlety of this staggering.....

She'll think it's you!

You will be judged for buying this.

For that get up and go feeling!

(note the dildo shaped "U")

After-thought: Don't write a poem to your girlfriend and use the phrase "whispering eye". It means vagina. Also, don't write poems for your girlfriend. She wants a song..........from me. Good morrow.

-De

It is the end of the era...

in which a union is no longer a union (check out my segway, that's how 83% of Canadians spell that word). My caged bird has more rights than these public laborers. Straight up.

Mssrs. DeMi will imbue on you (more sexual than not) good tidings of great joy. Do not worry about the cramping of union rights for the union has been redefined.

Union: A group of people who must pay to discuss issues they can no longer do anything about.

Legislators: A group of people who are paid to vote on issues they assume they can do something about.

(exaggerating just a lil bit, mais serieusemently (accent grave and proper French understood, not Québécois (Suck it Canada) taxpayers should be able to write them off as dependents)

Mi's gonna hit it, hit it like he can't miss...unlike the Heat's threesome that can't hit shit lwl 

Union: a unity of things, things defined here in its vaguest form, with or without consent.

Legislators: a unity of elected things deciding on things with or without consent to promote dissatisfaction amongst other things.

=

Scott Walker: Just another one of those damn things

I don't know how that worked out, but the logic is all there...

p.s. thing 1 and thing 2 would like to disassociate from such a distasteful word. They are now: The free-associative-nouns formerly known as thing 1 and thing 2
p.p.s The lollipop will keep you wanting More

-DeMi