The MoT Top 10: The Twenty-Fifth

Top 10 Best Ways to Die

Don't get too excited......The MoT Top 10 has returned!!

Hopefully unnecessary disclaimer: Please don't interpret this as a list of suggestions.


10) After defeating your mortal enemy

9) While saving someone else. It's the circle of life, it's circular, like a circle. Simba. Magic. Beautiful. All good things.

8) In a magic trick gone wrong; at least you had an audience/witnesses

7) In Call of Duty, revenge is only a respawn away

6) By firing squad, it doesn't take 7 rifles to kill one person, but it still looks badass

5) In a soap opera, you'll get to come back as your own long lost twin

4) Down with the ship. The Black Pearl

3) With a chilling catchphrase like, "I'll be back", but you won't.

2) After everyone else, you have just won life

1) Hard, and not from a Viagra overdose

-DeMi  

The MoT Top 10: The Fourteenth

Top 10 Ways to Put on Pants

I know what you're thinking, no way are there ten ways to put on pants. We used to be as naive. Also, don't be misled. It's absolutely acceptable to not wear pants at all times. No one ever said no pants, no shirt, no service.

10) Paint them on

9) Go to the store without pants and find a suitable pair there. Maybe even a pant suit if it fancies you to be fancy

8) Head first

7) Two legs at a time

6) With the help of someone attractive

5) As part of your Irish jig dance routine

4) Like everyone else does, one leg at a time while listening to "Sexy and I Know It"

3) Ironically, while listening to Take Off Your Pants and Jacket

2) Slowly, after the store clerk tells you that only wearing shoes and and a shirt does not warrant you any service

1) Slowly and with pride, after sex

For immature audiences only

So I work at a hardware store, and I'm sure that as a result of chronic boredom, I have discovered that the hardware business doubles as an underground sex toy supplier:

 Don't ask me if these come in men's sizes.

Ahhh, ballcock accessories.....

The subtlety of this staggering.....

She'll think it's you!

You will be judged for buying this.

For that get up and go feeling!

(note the dildo shaped "U")

After-thought: Don't write a poem to your girlfriend and use the phrase "whispering eye". It means vagina. Also, don't write poems for your girlfriend. She wants a song..........from me. Good morrow.

-De

Taste the Rainbow

It is 3010, humans have evolved. Cranial capacity has increased twofold, as expected. In order to advance the human race, Womankind evolved into homosexuals. Opposite gender affairs can only be read about in booklogs from 1000 years ago...

Imagine the possibilities. Sexual desires would be fulfilled without the risk of overpopulating the planet. But, in order for the human race to survive men and women would have children as necessary. Women and Men would choose their best match to reproduce with to ensure the offspring are genetically superior.

This thought stems from present day musings on gay people. There seems to be more gays than for it to be called a genetic defect.

-Mi