MoT 2014 NFL Mock Draft: Top 10

Usually by this time, the number one pick has been predetermined, but this year, no one is even sure which team will be drafting first, let alone which player. Should be an entertaining night to say the least.

I really wanted to do a complete first round mock, but I'm going for accuracy here and I'm of the opinion there will be quite a few trades that go down beyond the first 10 picks. Outside of Atlanta, I don't believe there is much room for teams to trade up in the top 10. Plus, we love us some top 10s here at MoT.

1. Houston Texans:  Jadeveon Clowney, DE, South Carolina
The best player in college football should go 1st overall. Also, I believe the character/laziness issues will be literally worked out of him, because J.J. Watt won't let him slack off on the field. Defensive scheme be damned, as long as Clowney plays defense in the NFL, he will be star. The Falcons recognize this fact and could very well trade up to take him.

2. St. Louis Rams: Greg Robinson, OT, Auburn
Has the most upside of all of the offensive lineman in the draft. May not be as pro-ready as the next lineman off the board and he may not start at left tackle right away, but he is the most physical blocker in this year's draft and the last time I checked, football was all about physical play. The Rams are looking for the next Orlando Pace

3. Jacksonville Jaguars: Khalil Mack, OLB, Buffalo
As safe as a pick can be in this draft. Many mocks have him going number one; however, I think Clowney matches the hype, leaving Mack as the second best defensive player of this draft. Excellent as a pass-rushing, run defending and coverage linebacker.

4. Cleveland Browns: Sammy Watkins, WR, Clemson
The Browns are in a position to dramatically improve their offense. Drafting Watkins would give them another legitimate number one receiver. The Browns could have the opportunity to draft Teddy Bridgewater at pick 26 and address their quarterback issue. I believe Bortles and Bridgewater will be the best quarterbacks to come out of this draft.

5. Oakland Raiders: Mike Evans, WR, Texas A&M
The second best WR in this draft, but not by a large margin. A big-play receiver who has made Manziel look really good. The Raiders have made some horrid picks in the recent past, including at the receiver position. The Raiders, however, seem to be at a turning point as a franchise and Mike Evans would fill a big need for them.

6. Atlanta Falcons: Jake Matthews, OT, Texas A&M
Jake Matthews is another really safe pick. Matt Ryan was hammered last season and was the third most sacked QB in the league. The Falcons need the stability and reliability that comes with Matthews. If they don't trade up to take one of the best athletes we've ever seen in college football, Matthews is the answer at pick 6.

7. Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Johnny Manziel, QB, Texas A&M
The third Aggie taken in this draft, Mr. Manziel brings athleticism and play-making ability to the quarterback position. If I were the GM of the Bucs, I would pass on Manziel here, but I think the need at quarterback is too great and they will draft on need here.

8. Minnesota Vikings: Justin Gilbert, CB, Oklahoma State
The best coverage corner in this draft, Justin Gilbert will help Minnesota against the potent passing attacks of the NFC North.

9. Buffalo Bills: Taylor Lewan, OT, Michigan
Not the most physical offensive lineman in the draft, but he makes up for it in technique and quickness.

10. Detroit Lions: Darqueze Dennard, CB, Michigan State
Detroit is physical up front on defense, albeit not very disciplined, but they need a lot of help in their secondary. He is a physical corner who excels in press coverage, but also possesses good speed and can keep up with most receivers.


-De

Not Another Random How To: How to Dress Like a Gangsta

I was going to just post this on MoT nation or the ReMusings page, then I thought (actual internal dialogue), "No, this is worth posting to the site".

So, in case you were looking for it, I found the whitest article on the internet. The clincher is the "Warning" section:

http://www.wikihow.com/Dress-Like-a-Gangsta

Assuming you've read and possibly laughed your way through the above, I have two bits of insight to share. If you are searching the internet for "how to dress like a gangsta" 1) you're not a gangster and 2) it's too late for you to become one.

Lack of an apostrophe
That's pretty gangsta

Now you may be wondering, "How might De have come upon this article? Does he perhaps aspire to be a gangster?"

Wow. Ridiculous questions.

For further entertainment, imagine the above article in the voice of Herbert the Pervert. Also, consider reading:

"How to Dress Like a Puerto Rican Gangsta"

This article actually suggests not listening to others, rendering all practical use for this article impossible.  

-De

The MoT Top 10: The Twenty-Fifth

Top 10 Best Ways to Die

Don't get too excited......The MoT Top 10 has returned!!

Hopefully unnecessary disclaimer: Please don't interpret this as a list of suggestions.


10) After defeating your mortal enemy

9) While saving someone else. It's the circle of life, it's circular, like a circle. Simba. Magic. Beautiful. All good things.

8) In a magic trick gone wrong; at least you had an audience/witnesses

7) In Call of Duty, revenge is only a respawn away

6) By firing squad, it doesn't take 7 rifles to kill one person, but it still looks badass

5) In a soap opera, you'll get to come back as your own long lost twin

4) Down with the ship. The Black Pearl

3) With a chilling catchphrase like, "I'll be back", but you won't.

2) After everyone else, you have just won life

1) Hard, and not from a Viagra overdose

-DeMi  

The MoT Top 10: The Twenty-Fourth

A little back-story. One year ago today, DeMi was coming up with this Top 10, and my roommate, Frank, overheard our list. Halfway through the list we realized that April 1st was the next day and we decided that we could not miss out on an April Fool's themed blog. So Frank asked what happened to this Top 10, and we told him it didn't exist, and half-asleep he tried to come to terms with our....LIE!

HERE IT IS FRANK, APRIL FOOLS! ONE YEAR LATER!

Top 10 Ways to Get Your Money's Worth

10) Pick a restaurant, grab a plate and make the kitchen your buffet.

9) Hire a prostitute and shoot video of your fun together. Sell it as porno.

8) Always take a penny; never leave a penny.

7)  Buy some skittles. Taste the rainbow. Follow the rainbow. Make the leprechaun your bitch.

6) With your gym membership, make it a point to touch every machine in the gym, even the ones that somebody maybe using. Maybe with a wink.

5) Always extend the hose of the gas dispenser and shake it vigorously for 5 minutes to get "every last drop"

4) Double bag all your groceries at the self check-out. Make accessories from these bags, and fail at starting a new fashion trend.

3) Stay 3 hours after you're done with a meal to continue getting water refills. Go to the bathroom when they're not looking to make them think you have a bladder of steel.

2) Rock a temporary or real tattoo of your foes telephone number on your forehead while sitting in the front row at a big sports venue.

1) Buy North Korea, resurrect Kim Jong Il and hence resurrect all that was right about the country.

-DeMi

The MoT Top 10: The Twenty-Second

It's a great day for America! (Read in Craig Ferguson's voice)
Today marks the return of the MoT Top 10!

Jubilee by Mi

Unorthodox Preface to Jubilee by Mi

In no way doth Jubilee refer to the Queen of England. As a minor preamble or aside I would like to make that clear. It is known that the Supreme Reigner of the Britons enjoys her Diamond Jubilees, but again this minor word association that casually sprang to your tongue is in fact coincidental (and I forgive you). I realize that the Top 10 might contain a minor jab at a Queen, coincidentally from the same country as that Queen...

Even further and more to the needletip we delve in to the awe-inspiring rhyme scheme of the work of art itself. The ABA CDD scheme verily sends tremors that transcend the poetic world.  It is not a mere coincidence that Edgar or Emily are proverbially "rolling in their graves", because in fact this ground breaking moment might just give them reason enough to wake up.

This third and last paragraph, yet never bland, is reserved for all my haters. Yu said I couldn't pull of an unorthodox preface to a poem that is longer than the actual poem, well poo to you. Thei said I would not be able to adopt a giraffe, well read up on the new statutes on importing goods specifically Statute 156.3.C regarding spott-ed or strip-ed (read stripe ed) sub-saharan-African-creatures. I don't want to have haters that can't even read. I want hipster, barista, haters that hated before there were emotions.

Jubilee O Jubilee there will be had
If this list turns out
and isn't bad.

Woketh from the blue
so scream and shout
New Top 10 is finally out!

Top 10 Worst Things to Collect

10) Toupees (with all the money you'll spend, you can afford implants)

9) Facebook friends (a virtual social life is synonymous to an imaginary one)

8) STDs, STI's...acronyms really

7) Get out of jail free cards

6) Pounds: fat, British and hashtags #calmthefuckdownwiththosethings 

5) Countries (ask the Queen of England, she has plenty of free time)

4) Airbud sequels

3) Lawn gnomes

2) Condoms (everyone will know you're not having sex)

1) Calls

Wait what?

-DeMi

Catch by Transitive Property of Possession?

I don't want to talk about the play. I have to talk about the play and I've finally calmed down enough to do so. When I sat down to write this, my plan was to only write about the residual effects of the call, but there has been so much false information floating out there, I have to sort some things out in writing to at least clear my own head.

First of all, there is no controversy about whether it was a touchdown or not. I don't want to go through the play frame by frame, because I know the large majority of you either watched it or heard a hundred different renditions of what happened. It is painfully clear a touchdown should not have been called, especially now that the rules allow for all scoring plays to be reviewed. If you would like a more detailed account and analysis of the play, this edition of Sports Science is one of the best I've seen.

Sorry about the awful quality, this is only complete version I could find:

"After further review, it was a fucking interception!" A catch in the NFL requires three things: (1) Secure control of the ball. (2) Touch the ground in-bounds with both feet or any part of the body. (3) Maintain control of the ball throughout the catch. As the video explains, Jennings was the first to establish two points of contact on the ball with control; the basic definition of possession. Additionally, Jennings sustained possession by following through with the catch all the way to the ground by maintaining control and keeping two feet in bounds. It is not a simultaneous catch, because Tate doesn't establish a second point of contact on the ball (no is sure if he ever did) until after Jennings had possession. Therefore, there is no tie and Tate cannot be awarded the touchdown. 

People keep bringing up the offensive pass interference on the last play. While the interference did occur, it's not reviewable. Also, I've heard the argument that the precedent is to not call pass interference on Hail Mary plays at the end of games, so the refs were correct in not throwing a flag. The first part is actually true; however, the precedent (assuming the new refs even knew of it) is only in place because there are usually multiple instances of pass interference on such plays and a clear call is difficult to make.  This was not at all the case here. The defense played clean coverage until first contact with the ball was made; there was a single, clear-cut instance of offensive pass interference on the play. It should have been called, but the interference had nothing to do with the eventual ignorant interpretation of the rules.

This is probably the most trivial of all my points, but the second official did not signal incomplete, interception or to stop the clock. As far as I know, there is no signal for interception in the NFL, only a signal for a touchdown and a catch. The signal he gave was for a touchback, for which the only logical conclusion is an interception in this instance.

At this point, unfortunately, the facts don't make a difference. The league is firm in its decision to uphold the Seahawks victory and all the petitions and threatening phone calls to the commissioner's office aren't going to change anything.

But as I wrap this up, the real NFL season is now underway. The veteran refs are back and the replacement refs are back in their mothers' basements and their Lingerie League jobs. And as the Browns prepare to lose to the Ravens, I would like to point out that the first penalty called in this game was against the Browns defense in Baltimore. Good call refs. I guess the standing ovation before kickoff wasn't enough; way to set yourselves up for another round of cheers.

It thoroughly sucks that the integrity of the NFL demanded a Packers loss as a price, but the return of the refs is a huge relief for everyone and I'm thrilled it got done. One last awesome thing to come out of this debacle is all the memes. There are some really clever ones out there and I was inspired to make a couple myself:

-De

Why Music is the Universal Language

What's good MoT Nation and casual MoT readers? I hope you all are schooling responsibly.

During one of my slower nights, in between watching 30 Rock and editing vocals for a song, something pretty cool came to me. Maybe it's obvious to everyone else, but I've often wondered why music traverses across every culture of every continent on earth. Why does the need for music seem so fundamental and universally understood?

My first thought was the majority of music is the same. Even comparing eastern and western music styles, there are obvious similarities, similarities that make music identifiable as music. We're about to get really basic for a minute, but I promise this is going somewhere. All music has tempo and rhythm. Tempo is the thing that keeps the sound in time and rhythm is the subdivision and repetition of that tempo. Tempo is the first thing that separates music from noise. Now to anyone with a background in western music history, I'm aware that things such as rhythm and tempo weren't denoted in early notation, such as Gregorian chant. But the tempo and rhythm of a chant was still inherent in the aural tradition of the piece. Also, I'm not suggesting that all music has a constant rhythm or tempo. In modern terms, if you take a phrase such as, "It would be awesome if the Yankees don't make the playoffs this year", it's only a phrase until a tempo and rhythms are assigned, then it becomes rap. The next step is to assign melodies, both to the phrase and to an accompaniment. There can be other things like chords, form, dynamics and so on, but I feel like I've gone into way too much detail to explain my original point; music has a foundation that ties together all the different genres.

I would argue parallels can be drawn to the similarities between people. Music and people are 99% the same (don't do the math). Like music, there is a basic foundation that ties all people together. DNA, emotions, instinct and so on. This is why music is so basic across every culture and is such a need in our world. People "get" music. Regardless of language, music education and the era the music was written in, a song will provoke an emotional response in a person and it is often the common response. I believe without music, some paramount ideas that bring us together as a race would never be discovered. And now for one of my favorite quotes, take it away Victor Hugo:

"Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and cannot remain silent"

Well said Victor, well said.

-De (and Victor Hugo)

The MoT Top 10: The Nineteenth

Top 10 Lyrics Used in Conversation

10) "set fire to the rain"- Adele

Let's do this! set fire to the rain, bitches!

9) "i'ma pick the world up"- Lil Wayne

1: Dawg, what you gon' do?

2: Bitch, i'ma pick the world up and i'ma drop it on your fuckin' head

8) "You spin my head right round" - Flo Rida

1: You, spin my head!

2: In what fashion?

1: Right round, of course!

7) "na na na na na na na"- blink-182

1: Guurl, do you like my weave?

2: na na na na na na na

6) "too strung out on compliments"- Drake

1: So why couldn't Joey make it to the gathering?

2: Alas, the poor chap is too strung out on compliments.

1: For shame.

5) "it's getting hot in here"- Nelly

1: Dude, why are you taking off all your clothes?

2: It's getting hot in herre...I am getting so hot.

4) "these are my confessions" - Usher

1: Girl, we need talk to talk.

2: Yeah!?

1: These are my confesssions..

2: Oh my god! I am so..caught up

1: Please don't...let it burn

3) "two trailer park girls" - Eminem
1: Yo, who'd you hook up with last night?
2: Two trailer park girls
1: Where?
2: Round the outside
1: Round the outside?
2: ROUND THE OUTSIDE!!

2) "starships were meant to fly" Nicki Minaj

The DMV told me my ride wasn't street legal, but I was like, fuck that! STARSHIPS WERE MEANT TO FLY!

1) "and now you're in my way"- Carly Rae Jepsen

1: Hey, I just met you.

2: Yeah crazy, and now you're in my way.


-DeMi

The MoT Top 10: The Eighteenth

Top 10 Ways to Make an Entrance

Alright put on those adult mind diapers, because you're gonna metaphorically shit your pants:

10) Scream aloud, "Oh my God, why am I naked?!" Boom, audience

9) Literally with bells and whistles

8) Bring your own herald

7) As little less Letterman, a little more Ferguson

6) With an entourage...........of helicopters 

5) On a Slip 'n Slide with a suit on

4) Start a game of "Duck, Duck, Goose" in the back of the room

3) From above, like Ethan Hunt

2) When it's an encore (Hold on, we'll be right back)


DeMi! DeMi! DeMi! DeMi!


1)  (cheering and elation) (it's ironic writing that in parentheses)

AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY TO MAKE AN ENTRANCE IS: (too Letterman of us?)


To the tune of the "Imperial March" in a storm trooper outfit


The MoT rejects/honorable mentions:

In a jumpsuit, like you just got sprung

With some brick and mortar, none of this hay or wood stuff those cheap ass pigs would use

Like Captain Underpants, that guy has the right idea

-DeMi

The MoT Top 10: The Fourteenth

Top 10 Ways to Put on Pants

I know what you're thinking, no way are there ten ways to put on pants. We used to be as naive. Also, don't be misled. It's absolutely acceptable to not wear pants at all times. No one ever said no pants, no shirt, no service.

10) Paint them on

9) Go to the store without pants and find a suitable pair there. Maybe even a pant suit if it fancies you to be fancy

8) Head first

7) Two legs at a time

6) With the help of someone attractive

5) As part of your Irish jig dance routine

4) Like everyone else does, one leg at a time while listening to "Sexy and I Know It"

3) Ironically, while listening to Take Off Your Pants and Jacket

2) Slowly, after the store clerk tells you that only wearing shoes and and a shirt does not warrant you any service

1) Slowly and with pride, after sex

The MoT Top 10: The Thirteenth

Top 10 Nicknames for Your Privates

10) Han's Chinese brother often uses this one:
Hung Solo

9) Geography Themed?
The Dead Sea or Mariana Trench.

8) Whispering Eye
(that means vagina)

7) White, nerdy, and pervy?
Space Invader or Pac-Man

6) For all you gypsy women out there:
Snake Charmer (Verrrry niiicce, how much?)

5) MC "Jack" Hammer
It's Hammer Time!

4) Hot Pocket

3) Junkle Berries
Or really any type of berries, real or imaginary. Honeysuckle, Cow, Ollalie, Avocado, Choke, or Privet Berry. (These are actually all real)

Here we see the Privet Berry in its full form.

2) For the way overly obese man or woman:
The Final Frontier

And now, ladies and gentleman alike, prepare to have your favorite childhood snacks ruined:

1) Gusher(s) / Fruit by the Foot


-DeMi