The MoT Top 10: The Twenty-Second

It's a great day for America! (Read in Craig Ferguson's voice)
Today marks the return of the MoT Top 10!

Jubilee by Mi

Unorthodox Preface to Jubilee by Mi

In no way doth Jubilee refer to the Queen of England. As a minor preamble or aside I would like to make that clear. It is known that the Supreme Reigner of the Britons enjoys her Diamond Jubilees, but again this minor word association that casually sprang to your tongue is in fact coincidental (and I forgive you). I realize that the Top 10 might contain a minor jab at a Queen, coincidentally from the same country as that Queen...

Even further and more to the needletip we delve in to the awe-inspiring rhyme scheme of the work of art itself. The ABA CDD scheme verily sends tremors that transcend the poetic world.  It is not a mere coincidence that Edgar or Emily are proverbially "rolling in their graves", because in fact this ground breaking moment might just give them reason enough to wake up.

This third and last paragraph, yet never bland, is reserved for all my haters. Yu said I couldn't pull of an unorthodox preface to a poem that is longer than the actual poem, well poo to you. Thei said I would not be able to adopt a giraffe, well read up on the new statutes on importing goods specifically Statute 156.3.C regarding spott-ed or strip-ed (read stripe ed) sub-saharan-African-creatures. I don't want to have haters that can't even read. I want hipster, barista, haters that hated before there were emotions.

Jubilee O Jubilee there will be had
If this list turns out
and isn't bad.

Woketh from the blue
so scream and shout
New Top 10 is finally out!

Top 10 Worst Things to Collect

10) Toupees (with all the money you'll spend, you can afford implants)

9) Facebook friends (a virtual social life is synonymous to an imaginary one)

8) STDs, STI's...acronyms really

7) Get out of jail free cards

6) Pounds: fat, British and hashtags #calmthefuckdownwiththosethings 

5) Countries (ask the Queen of England, she has plenty of free time)

4) Airbud sequels

3) Lawn gnomes

2) Condoms (everyone will know you're not having sex)

1) Calls

Wait what?

-DeMi

The MoT Top 10: The Ninth

Top 10 Weighs too Annoy You're english Teacher
(Sorry Ms. Phillips)

10) Write your papers in a foreign language.

9) Create your own verb tense and insist on it's use.

8) Write your sentences from right to left. When asked about this, which you will be, be prepared to be a native of any Arabic, Hebrew, Chinese or Japanese speaking country.

7) Confuse you're homophones two the point of patency.

6) Call them out on plagiarism when they write specific examples from the novel you're reading on the board.

5) Write an essay explaining how and why your dog ate your essay. A paw print as a citation is a nice touch.

4) Take every opportunity given to correct your teacher grammatically and syntactically. They will pretend to appreciate it, but truthfully, this is their biggest pet-peeve.

3) Argue the existence of Shakespeare and claim that his works were those of many ghost writers under one pen name.

2) When asked to read aloud in class, pause longer than necessary at commas and don't stop at all at periods.

1) Again, when reading aloud, make offhand comments on the author's writing style. Also pose your own questions to the class and be sure to go off on extremely irrelevant tangents.

Honourable Mentions

Spell words the British way, yoghurt, flavour, crunchatise, colour and so on. Imagination is a bad thing in spelling, so here is a website to guide you. This should inspire a delightful conversation with your teacher where you can argue you are using English in a more pure form.

When another student answers a question, immediately ask "may I offer a rebuttal?".

Put emoticons in your papers.