The 13th Month

I haven't done any research on this, hell I don't even own a calendar. I know there are all sorts of calendars and what not, but I would like to propose the need for a 13th month.

How many weeks do we usually approximate in a month? 4? So how many weeks are there in three months? 12? wrong! After 3 months you lose on average 7 days. The insane part is that after just a year you will lose a month. Where is this 13 month? Where does it go? Why, it's at the end of every month of course. Except February, those days are always on strike. And after all 13*28 = 364.

It really makes sense to have each month except two have 28 days. February can have its damn leap year and then the months can take turns with the extra day. So every year is a hop year, every four years is a leap hop year, and every 12 years is a double leap year! And people, including myself, will just have to adopt new birthdays. I'll gladly take Sept 1st. That'd be wild.

This will solve many problems, such as a better approximation of tides, full moons, and menstruation cycles. Also, financial schedules and other calendars would be easier to keep track of.

Ok, just looked it up. Of course someone has thought of this. Apparently Eastman Kodak adopted the international fixed calendar until 1989, or so says Wikipedia.

But like most innovators, I will take this idea as my own. I now dub it.....The Beben Calendar. Don't worry, I'm pretty humble. I eliminated my own birthday.


Keep on musing on,

-Mi


For those curious, today, the 10th of September would be the 28th of August, assuming a hop year with the hop being in January.

The Random How To: How To Properly Conduct Business With Aliens

Now, I'm not talking about illegal aliens or people foreign to this country, I'm talking legitimate extra-terrestrials.

In this day and age we can not limit the scope of our business to the seven continents of this Earth. Like the pioneers before us, we must expand! Luckily, here at Musings on Tap, we will provide you with protips on how to handle inter-stellar transactions smoothly.

The Basics

This might come as a no-brainer, but aliens come in many different flavors. Their language, size, and visage will greatly differ. This can raise many quandaries. Such as: "How do I speak in their language?", "Are there any customs I should be aware of, what should I do when they start threatening me with their phasers?", "If they don't have a noticeable face, or in fact have multiple faces, what or which should I address?"

Ah yes, I should have made this how-to sooner as my inbox is flooded with these very questions.

How to Properly Conduct Business With an Alien

Alas. before I address all these questions I must inform you that the VERY first step is to watch every movie with aliens, ever.

In my personal interactions with aliens, they have acted eerily similar to the Hollywood portrayals of them. This includes Alien, Men in Black, E.T., and of course my personal favorite, Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius (the movie).

Alright, so you just spent half of your life watching, crappy movies, now what?

I want you to take a step back, go in to exile, do some serious introspection, and embrace your inner alien. At an undisclosed time in the future you will slowly create an Alien Soul-- a unique identification and communication tool that connects the alien worlds. You can now interact with any alien. However, for this to work properly you must await first contact.

Unfortunately, this soul connection obeys the universal speed limit. This means those aliens that live more than 100 light years away (all of them) will take more time than you're alive to contact you.

Thank you for reading, and do stay tuned for my segment on how to live longer and undoubtedly prosper.

-Mi